Monday, May 10, 2010

Of distracted everything.

We want everything to be about us. I mean, we like to say we don't, and a lot of us actually truly believe it, but in the end, we want everything to be about us. We're flattered when people we're not interested in are clearly interested in us. We might complain that "it's so hard" to let them down easy or avoid spending awkward time with them, but underneath it you'd rather be flattered and have to reject someone than them not be interested in you at all. That twinge of pride, that a-ha moment when you know you have that power over another human being, that in some way they're interested in you, we can't get enough of that. It's empowering and even addictive.

A while back, I was reading a blog and the author was talking about the psychology of pornography, but his comments apply universally. He was making a generalization about any attention-seeking behavior, any "about me" type of behavior, or behavior which forces closeness without base. We're all guilty of it. He said "attention is not attraction which is not intimacy which is not love." I think this is incredibly perceptive. Even when the attention you receive is out of attraction, it is not intimacy and it is not love. The point is perfect. We seek attention, we want things to be about us because we crave intimacy and we crave love. I'm voraciously independent but I crave those things like crazy. Unfortunately, it's misguided. Receiving attention from people who don't actually care about us is meaningless. It's hollow. It creates false perceptions, implants false ideals. We do it because we're not getting what we need from the places we should be getting it, for whatever reason. That's why the happiest people are the ones who have found a source for what they need, or have figured out how to manage their appetites. Most people are missing something. Like a vitamin deficiency. And we often look to satisfy our cravings in the wrong places or in the wrong ways.

Perhaps this is why porn stars and the Kardashians have dead eyes and no souls.